goodbye 2007 (you dirty bastard)

The corniest thing about the end of the year is everyone's top ten lists. Here is mine.

J. DIEZ'S BEST THINGS OF 2007

10. The Knot
100 proof Irish whiskey that you can only get in 4 states. My first experience with this gem is a memorable one.

9. Remote controlled flying apparatuses
This came later in the year but remote controlled helicopters and airplanes are so cheap now that I've already started assembling a fleet.

8. Redtube
Remember when you had to actually use a file sharing program to download smut?

7. RPG'S
Although I've recently made a pact with myself to not play as many video games anymore, that doesn't take away the hundreds and hundreds of hours I put in this year. FFXII is the big winner by the way.

6. Flight of the Conchords / It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Two original, hilarious, well written television shows in one year? The hell you say. And don't ask me to pick which one is better as I would surely spontaneously combust during the decision process.

5. Ron and Fez
Not that they haven't been in my top 10 favorite things for years now but this year was a great one. And the Big Ass Bash was one of the best nights of '07.

4. Movies
Every movie I went to see this year was good. That never happens. This arguably could be the best year for movies ever. The two best were Death Proof and No Country for Old Men.

3. Lost
To not lump this in with my other number devoted to television is a statement in itself. This show is the only reason to watch television on a weekly basis. The 3rd season that aired this year was so intense that I want to sleep until February '08.

2. My friends
I know, I know, putting that makes me sound like a sixth grade girl but I've been through a bunch of bad bullshit this year and I probably would have painted the wall red if it wasn't for my friends. They're all I got (excuse the use of the cliche, grammatically incorrect phrase).

1. Fender Joe Strummer Telecaster
By far the coolest thing I've acquired this year. And on top of that it was a gift from the coolest group of people I've ever met. So altogether I'm saying it's cool.

How's that for anti-climatic?

the most infamous closet in literature

I said come here, nigger, and bust up this chiffarobe for me, I gotta nickel for you.

This was presented to me as humorous at a very young age, before I was familiar with the novel. Not because of the use of the word nigger either. My cousins, who were a couple years older than me, used to refer to certain activities as "bustin' up a chiffarobe." I didn't understand it but I did pick up on the fact that the phrase was funny and like any younger family member does, brought home with me to try out on my group of friends. I don't think it went over too well. Shortly thereafter due to required elementary school reading, I experienced the phrase in print. It sparked a quick "oh that's where they got that from" moment but nothing else as literature, especially forced, didn't rank to high for me at the time. Several years later however during time where books and I had a meth and trucker type relationship, I cracked the novel on my own accord. It has been my contention since that moment that Harper Lee, regardless of the story's geographical and historic setting, found that phrase hilarious. Professors and writers would come to tell me otherwise but I know that Mrs. Lee in all her professionalism, let out even the slightest giggle upon laying those words to paper. After all she had to have a sense of humor to be friends with Truman Capote.

So here I am, a decade and a half later, far removed from the world of Atticus and Scout and for that matter large wooden closets. Out of nowhere comes some up and coming, Tuesday afternoon, Comedy Central comic who just throws it out there, "bustin' up a chiffarobe". I forget the context but I'm blown away. A week later I'm watching 30 rock and Alec Baldwin while impersonating an older black gentleman asks if he should "come over and bust up that chiffarobe." Now the probability of two chiffarobe jokes running on two different shows on two different networks is low. The possibility of me catching both of them is drastically lower. So as any logically thinking human would do, I took this as a sign from our creator. And I believe that enormous, invisible jackalope in the sky is telling me to buy a chiffarobe. So where does one find an over-sized, obsolete piece of furniture that hasn't been manufactured in over 50 years? I don't know but I believe my faith will lead me to it. And once I get it, I will properly store my clothes in it. The chiffarobe and I will have a healthy symbiotic relationship for years to come. However, we will both sadly know that eventually the day will come when I will be forced to drag her out in the backyard and, as life often imitates art, bust up that fucking chiffarobe.

you met me at a very strange time in my life.

Remember J. Diez? He's back. In blog form.

J. Diez is a pen name. I've decided to experiment slightly with writing again. It's something that used to be very important to me. Words without power chords, there's something clean about that. There will be logic, idiocy, judgement, humor, truth, and questions. But mostly there will be movie and Simpsons references (i.e. our first italicized opening). I'll post frequently.